do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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