u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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