i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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