There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
