well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
