There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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