He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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