If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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