Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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