i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
