i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
