I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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