I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
