tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
