How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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