Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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