She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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