You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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