i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
