And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
