Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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