When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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