that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
