i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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