But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
