alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
