Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
