The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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