New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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