So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
