last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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