guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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