Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You dont lie about slip and slides
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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