Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
