my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
