I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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