I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
