My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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