A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
