I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
