I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
