he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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