I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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