It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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