Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
