he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
