he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
