It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
