Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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