Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
