Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
