I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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