There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
